Is it still September?
Well, the decision has been made to stop fostering after this one. Contrary to what we were told during “training” it has not been rewarding on any level; we have not felt part of a team; FB has not become a part of our lives but taken over completely. Apparently, this child is an “easy one”.
We are at the whim of a social services team who don’t know their arse from their elbow. They are incapable of communicating between themselves and us. What information we are given is sparse and contradictory. I know they are overworked and underfunded but that is not an excuse for failing to do your job.
The straw that broke the third Camel was last Thursday. Having been told, a month ago, to do as much transition as we could, for as long as we could we have been told to reduce it “just in case”. Oh, and can we make sure the prospective parents see certain behaviours? Well, if Social Services bothered to read the diary notes and bothered to visit during these transition days or bothered to do any kind of follow up they would know all this is being done already!
Then they tell us the court date has moved and could move again and again. How are we supposed plan our lives with this lack of respect? Well, sorry, but fuck them! Due to all this we are out asap.
FB leaves us at the end of October. Can’t wait.
This weekend FB has a holiday, aka respite for all! Can’t wait. Mrs FC is taking son number two to University and I will take the dogs out for a looonngg walk, with cake stops!
Social worker for mother of FB made contact today, only to have much of what she’d been told by said mum contradicted by our experience. Jolly good! More evidence in favour of FBs prospective Forever Home! Yay!
FB in good mood today. Mrs FC ill. Mr FC coming down with another cold even though the first hasn’t gone yet. We are drained. FB is very bright, just needs the right support, which we can’t give.
We still don’t know whether the court date has been moved and it’s only ten days away! I love the total lack of communication involved.
Mrs FC’s Camel
…is now broken, too. Here is a conversation between Mrs FC and FB this morning. Bear in mind that FB understands what is being said; the emotions and words are understood.
Mrs FC to FB: Do you want FB to feel good?
Mrs FC: Do you want Mr FC to feel good?
FB: (slight pause) Yes
Mrs FC: Do you want Mrs FC to feel good?
One broken camel.
There is no benefit to anyone, least of all FB, for a continuation of stay with us beyond the agreed date. If the current potential “Forever home” falls through we will ask for FB to be moved to other carers. The atmosphere here is difficult. Countdown has begun.
The straw that broke the camels back.
Lack of communication. We have modelled appropriate behaviour, we have led FB down the right path and fed the appropriate line/s on many occasions, yet still FB refuses to initiate any kind of appropriate communication.
For example, still not toilet trained; still refusing to ask for the toilet (we know FB can), preferring to fill a nappy (aged 4, the child not the nappy) and wait for someone to ask whether a change is required. FB can wait hours. I know, we’ve tried. During that time FB will continue to fill the nappy, making the contents leak.
The last straw was last night, 11:30pm, when I went to bed. I decided to check on FB, walked in and was hit by the smell. FB had been in this for god knows how long as FB had been in bed since 7pm. It had leaked and the bed was messed, as were the pyjama’s.
The following morning no recognition of the previous night; FB is expected to ask politely for breakfast but was silent today, so no breakfast, only the vitamin supplement drink we are supposed to give. Temper tantrum when asked to leave the table to get dressed so had to be tucked under an arm and carried upstairs and placed in FBs bedroom.
I am broken. If the process confirming the new parents fails for any reason, and we are asked to keep FB until new parents are found then the answer is “No, not beyond our agreed date of end of October”. I will put my sanity and that of our household before that of this child.
We have done everything we can think of, everything Mrs FC has been trained for and everything we have been told to do; FB refuses to engage, even though we have seen that FB knows exactly what is expected, exactly what to do. This has been the case since the prospective parents first met FB.
Over to the professionals. Hang on, that won’t happen as the Tories have spent all the money on their new duck pond.
Ok, so this may end up out of order but hey ho!
I pop out to the local store for provisions and when I get back I am greeted by Mrs FC who has had another “F off!” From FB. No warning, it’s been a good day. My adult children have visited and played with FB, and FB helped see them off on their train home. All good.
FB has tea, has a bath and is asked to sit on the potty. We have had four or five days of good potty behaviour and now we get an “F off!”
So today, typically Fozzie B sleeps in late but I need to get up early to take the car to the garage for MOT and new brakes!. Mrs FC, the star of show in this house is coming down with a cold.
Early morning was the usual feeding the animals, sort the dishwasher, feed Fozzie B and self, make coffee for Mrs FC in bed. Fozzie B had two pieces of toast this morning, one with honey! Result! Usually it’s toast and butter and a refusal to have anything else! This one (FB) had been left to fend for itself and was eating only crisps, bread and yoghurt. Mrs FC is getting some great results and Fozzie B is eating potatoes and fish fingers for tea, no veggies still, but that’ll come.
We did some colouring this morning and Fozzie is beginning to hold a pencil properly.
I’ve managed to get some guitar practise done but it was difficult to concentrate a) because the false nails have had the audacity to grow and b) because we got some expected but not great news re Fozzie B and the future! That’s going to be hard for us. We have no say in a child’s future. C) time is now quite limited.
Off to get the car shortly. It failed its MOT as expected, one of the rear seat belt clippy things wasn’t working and some kind of locky-sprockety-connecty thing isn’t working somewhere else. The stoppy bits are working and that’s good!
After that it’s time for the park, then some teaching!
Park done; not a great success. FB became sad and wanted to come home
Now 9:45pm and the list of jobs hasn’t changed.
As newbies I hope to blog about the experiences. First post on main page and when I have worked out how to use this technology I may get it on this page! Anyway, posts may be erratic, but let’s see how it goes.
Recently, we started fostering and are now on child two. Both have been fab kids, but I have found it challenging time-wise. I am a music teacher and I put a lot of time into curriculum and making sure I look after each students musical education and my own teaching career – it takes of lot of effort and I love it.
My partner is passionate about fostering and I am along to support her in her dreams. That’s what you do when you love someone. We don’t find it easy and I have been letting off steam with a good friend of ours; so much so that I thought a blog might work!
My partner is brilliant with kids and it’s lovely to see the look on this ones face when she sees what goes on in the house. Today my youngest step child, 15yr old step daughter, was playing with one of our dogs (a little two yr old Jack Russell, gorgeous dog). Lots of noise, lots of laughter and fozzie (foster child) was agog that this was happening. Both fozzie and partner were spark out later on!
I am going to try to blog some of the experience without detail. Who knows, I may even keep it up.