So many different thoughts, different things to think about.
Fostering is supposed to be rewarding. I have yet to experience this. We are drinking more and I am feeling more stressed than I have for a long time. Although FB is a lovely person with much potential and joy to share, I am not willing to give up what I want to do for someone else. I thought I could do this but I am doubting myself.
I have done my parenting. I would like to return to a level of freedom and spontaneity that was pre-fostering.
There is no financial reward even though there is money. The rate is insulting and the role is hugely undervalued. I am really tired and term starts soon and I have much to do.
This little one is opening up.
The positive I have seen and enjoyed is the discussions with Mrs FC about how to handle various situations; how the fostering process works (or doesn’t, progress is so slow and we are not kept informed until things have happened); the impact trauma has on children, especially little ones. Things like this have been enjoyable.
At the same time I look at what I want to do and feel I need to do for my business, and my life. I need to make more money but how much time do I sacrifice to that, and what price do I pay for it and is it worth it?
Not only that, but am I actually capable of doing those simple things? What barriers do I put in my way and why? Am I used to failure, therefore not mentally equipped to understand what to do and do it? Overthinking?
So, fostering is not rewarding for me on any level directly child-related.
It is not rewarding financially.
It is hugely time consuming, mentally and emotionally draining.
I have enjoyed seeing Mrs FC being so engaged and use her skills; I have really enjoyed the interaction with her, though she could improve her timing a little!
I have suggested she look elsewhere for opportunities to use her skills; that she talk to those she has met through this process to see whether they can help; I have even said “I don’t want to do this” but she isn’t showing she has heard me.
We will have a break when FB goes which will allow me to evaluate my own feelings and responses before we have a discussion about the future. I don’t want to quash Mrs FC’s desires etc but at the same time I feel I am paying too high a price and am more involved than I want to be, or initially anticipated.
Do I feel my thoughts are more organised? Not really.