Organising thoughts

 

So many different thoughts, different things to think about.

Fostering is supposed to be rewarding. I have yet to experience this. We are drinking more and I am feeling more stressed than I have for a long time. Although FB is a lovely person with much potential and joy to share, I am not willing to give up what I want to do for someone else. I thought I could do this but I am doubting myself.

I have done my parenting. I would like to return to a level of freedom and spontaneity that was pre-fostering.

There is no financial reward even though there is money. The rate is insulting and the role is hugely undervalued. I am really tired and term starts soon and I have much to do.

This little one is opening up.

The positive I have seen and enjoyed is the discussions with Mrs FC about how to handle various situations; how the fostering process works (or doesn’t, progress is so slow and we are not kept informed until things have happened); the impact trauma has on children, especially little ones. Things like this have been enjoyable.

At the same time I look at what I want to do and feel I need to do for my business, and my life. I need to make more money but how much time do I sacrifice to that, and what price do I pay for it and is it worth it?

Not only that, but am I actually capable of doing those simple things? What barriers do I put in my way and why? Am I used to failure, therefore not mentally equipped to understand what to do and do it? Overthinking?

So, fostering is not rewarding for me on any level directly child-related.

It is not rewarding financially.

It is hugely time consuming, mentally and emotionally draining.

I have enjoyed seeing Mrs FC being so engaged and use her skills; I have really enjoyed the interaction with her, though she could improve her timing a little!

I have suggested she look elsewhere for opportunities to use her skills; that she talk to those she has met through this process to see whether they can help; I have even said “I don’t want to do this” but she isn’t showing she has heard me.

We will have a break when FB goes which will allow me to evaluate my own feelings and responses before we have a discussion about the future. I don’t want to quash Mrs FC’s desires etc but at the same time I feel I am paying too high a price and am more involved than I want to be, or initially anticipated.

Do I feel my thoughts are more organised? Not really.

 

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About markwitney

Musician and teacher. Guitarist, bassist, ukulele-ist, lutenist and an ist!
This entry was posted in Fostering, Guitar, Happiness, Life, Lute, Peace, ukulele, Uncategorized and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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