Is it worth it?

Is it worth it?

We reached new highs yesterday. Breakfast is now one bowl, not two, of shreddies, strawberries, grapes; then it’s upstairs to get washed and dressed. Not this morning, oh no! FB decided one bowl was not sufficient and brought the house down. I had to take FB back to FBs room for safety and try to reduce the disturbance for everyone else.

Cue being told to “Fuck off!” by a 4 yr old, twice, and with passion. FB then tried doing a “Here’s Johnny!” to FBs bedroom door before also trying to pull off the door handle. FB calmed down quite quickly and apologised, even so, this is a first for me.

You could look at this as negative, what a dreadful thing for a child to do, how awful etc; but you could say “Yes, it’s a dreadful thing for a child to say but a) try to understand where it came from – said child must be feeling comfortable enough and trust me enough to do this; and b) what awful experience did FB have that means FB understands this language and can use it?”

What is far more draining is the constant parrot repeating of anything we say or do. An example, when I return with the dogs FB tells Mrs FC, repeatedly that “Marky Mark has taken the dogs for a walk”, until Mrs FC replies. FB then proceeds to tell me that I have taken the dogs for a walk, repeatedly….every day, every time.

Whenever I need the toilet I have to be surreptitious about it so I am not seen or FB will also suddenly need the toilet, and that can be a loooooong and fruitless process!

I suspect this is attention seeking but there is little instigation from FB. The majority of communication needs to be fed from us, though we are making tiny steps in the right direction. FB usually asks questions and hardly ever listens to the answers and rarely makes statements (unless it’s “I dunna pooh” which has been non existent for the last four days as something is causing enough stress for FB to hold it all in)

Fostering is no holiday. The pay is rubbish, verging on insulting, it’s way below the minimum wage and the hours are crap; the support verges on non-existent and vague at best (Be child led – wtf does that mean?); and you get abused by your charges. I don’t have the energy to give what is required, or the time.

Everyone is suffering, even the dogs leave the room when FB starts whining!

The current question from FB is “I need it” Now, we have no idea what “it” is as the question is out of the blue, out of any context and, with the best will in the world, we are going out of our minds.

This is an experience, to say the least, and I am still uncertain whether I want to continue or whether I/we are the right people.

It is very hard to see the positive.

 

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About markwitney

Musician and teacher. Guitarist, bassist, ukulele-ist, lutenist and an ist!
This entry was posted in Dogs, Fostering, Happiness, Life, Peace, Poop, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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