5:50am FB is up singing 🎶and pooping💩, pooping 💩and singing🎶. It goes quiet as FB squeezes one out. I do not want to be reincarnated as a nappy. Singing 🎶resumes and I doze off.
6:40am I wake up, FB is still happily singing. I walk onto the landing and the faint scent of excrement hits the nostrils. Lord knows what the dogs make of it! Breakfast?
FB happily announces the nappy contents…”I dunna pooh.”💩
“Yes, I know. You always do one in the morning,” I reply, wearily, not noticing what is on the stair behind me.
FB announces all the cats as we enter the kitchen and the dogs chase them. A normal day. 🐕🐈🙀
Off to the shower room, it’s off the kitchen, to put FB on the potty. There isn’t much point this morning as FB will have expelled the contents of the bowels already.
OMG! It’s shit city! 💩💩💩💩💩💩😷😷😷🙀🙀🙀Armeggedon has arrived and it’s massive.🚨🚨🚨🚒🚒 All lower garments I realise are brown on the inside instead of the original colour, and they no longer smell of the original summer breeze white linen flowery fabric conditioner Mrs FC uses in the wash (we are surrounded by farms so that must be strongly scented conditioner!)
Back to the nuclear nappy. It is everywhere, down FB’s leg, up the back, all over the bottom, and some of it has even dropped off onto the floor and the dogs are investigating. Thankfully, they don’t seem interested – no meat content I guess, we are veggie.🍓🍇🍆🥒🌽
No emotional reaction from FB, no apology, nothing. Tears as I show I am not happy, but that’s it. Into the shower 🚿 goes one mottled shit 💩coloured child, five minutes later FB is the original colour and smelling of soap. Unfortunately, I drop the shower, it is first thing in the morning and I am dealing with “buy one get one free” sized poop here. Gimme break.🏝
I am now soaked, too.😩😩
FB stands there wrapped in a massive towel looking as if butter wouldn’t melt, while I drip and work out what to do next. Oh, yes, clean the floor and the stairs, rescue the clothing. 🚑🚑🚑 I’m beginning to see the funny side now. 😀Thankfully, FB’s bed and room are unaffected.🌈
Finally, I can feed the animals and do breakfast.